Traveling...with class

I have to go to Germany on a business trip to the comany's training center in Seeheim. I am so excited to go but a little apprehensive as well. Last time I tried to go for the training course I spent 3 days at the airport and couldn't get on a flight. That's the drawback of being an employee. You get bumped and offloaded. The benefits though are we get to fly in Business Class. No more coach seating for me. More after the trip!!!

Flower Garden

I have spent every Sunday for as long as I can remember with my Grandmother (with the exception of my College years when Buffalo was too far a drive for a one day visit). When we were younger and my parents still married my Grandmother would often come to our house and we would have a big bacon and egg breakfast and then go to church. It was an incredible family day that we looked forward to all week. After my parents divorce, Sunday was visitation day with Mom and she was living with Grams at the time so we saw her every week during that time as well.

It was sad for me during college not to have that familiar, weekly visit. My Grams is s trip. She says offensive things without intending to be mean, it's just how things come out and she comes up with the craziest sayings. To quote a few:

• Smart as a fart in a gail of wind
• No new dead horses in the bathtub

You get the idea. Anyhow after my return home from college it just seemed natural to resume my visits. I have such a special relationship with my Grams and I cherish the time we get to spend together. It is sad that she has 12 grandchildren and at least that many great grandchildren all who love in close proximity and very few bother to take the time to visit. They really have no idea what they are missing out on.

Boy did I veer of the original topic of this post. Gardening is the one thing that Grams loves and has always given her joy. She fills her yard with as many flowers as will fit in an array of bright colors. You can't help but just look around in awe. And flowers love her. Everything she plants grows bigger and more beautiful that you could ever anticipate. And the animals love it.

These are just a few of the amazing things you find in her yard. It has to be one of my favorite places in the world. Love you Grams!

A picture is worth ....

Well I splurged and finally replaced my camera. I haven't had one for over a year and anyone who knows me understands that this has been torture. I love photography and am always behind the camera (and therefore rarely in front of it) wherever I go. I have been using disposable camera's and saving up to buy a good point and shoot digital camera. I finally settled on the Olympus C-770 It has all the features I was looking for including 10x optical zoom and a option for black and white photos. I am still playing with all the settings and taking test shots to get used to it but I am so excited. Watch out famuily the paparazzi has returned !!!

Transitions

Well I got the job I applied for. I am kind of caught between being excited about the new challenges and sad to leave this department which I was responsible (with m.s. of course) for creating and spent 4 years pouring blood, sweat, and tears into. I was also really nervous about what the group dynamic would be like in the new job. You know it's always awkward in the beginning when you enter a new work environment, but how you are received makes all the difference.

Working with m.s. has always been easy. We didn't or don't for that matter always agree but that's OK and we know how to work around that. Will it be that easy with my new colleagues?

I had the opportunity to spend two days with my new colleagues at a workshop and was so pleased at the end of it because every single person in the new department was so kid and inviting and made me feel welcome even though I have not started yet. We all joked and laughed and it took a little weight off my shoulders.

Although my excitement for the new job is building every day I still have some guilt. I can't help it. It's in my nature. I am doing everything in my power to just let go. I know I have to but when you invest so much in a project it is hard to just hand it over to someone else. Right now I am just focusing on trying to make a smooth transition, both for myself and the colleagues I am leaving behind.

It sucks when you know you are making the right decision for yourself but it makes other peoples lives a little more complicated.

Taking advantage

O.K. so I am taking advantage of the zero work at my job to post my thoughts. c. and I went to visit his sister in law, niece and nephew over the weekend. The kids are growing so fast it's hard to believe. His niece is talking and actually making sense and his nephew is speed crawling and pulling himself up on anything that will hold him. I love spending time with a. and the kids but at the same time, it breaks my heart.

c.'s brother is a jackass. There is no other way to put it. He has put a. and those kids through hell and refuses to take any responsibility for it. On top of that the divorce has just been finalized and he is already engaged to another woman. It kills me that he is already talking about starting a new family with this other woman and he can't even take care of the kids he has. All he knows how to do is take advantage of people and verbally and physically abuse women. I am amazed that c. and m. were raised in the same household but turned out so completely different.

Is it bad that I wish absolutely horrible things to happen to this man, let me rephrase boy? I know you are supposed to find the good in people, but what if you have searched and searched and there just isn't any. m. is the first person I have met in my life who is just a bad person. There is nothing good about him. And I don't even feel sorry for him because he has chosen to be this way and admittedly so.

To angry...can't continue while I am at work...more later....maybe!

Are you kidding?

The conversation at work today went something like this:

customer: I want to verify that a bought your product
me: do you have a receipt or confirmation number
customer: no
me: Ok, so what indication do you have that a transaction was completed
customer: Well I wanted to buy your product and I saw it and I liked it
me: and....
customer: well that's it. I wanted to buy it so I thought I did.
me: Let me review, you saw our product, liked it, wanted to buy it but gave us no money received no receipt and you are not sure if you bought it
customer: Right!

Is it me? Do people think before they ask these questions. Apparently not.

This is just another reason why I need to find a new job. Turns out quite a few people applied for the aforementioned position. More than initially anticipated and the interview is an hour and a half long. Slow torture I say. We shall see.

Isn't It Ironic

Ok so a few years ago m.s. insisted we all try this blogging thing, right. Who would have though I would in turn be converting other nonbelievers into blog-hounds. Yes I have been singing the therapeutic praises of the anonymous blog.

One of the women that I work with has been having a very tough week and justifiably so. Her son passed away unexpectedly a few years ago and Saturday is the anniversary of his death. It is difficult when you can see the suffering in someone's face and there are no words of consolation. What can you possible say? I have lost people very close to me, and some of them very unexpectedly but never a child. I can even begin to fathom the severity of that. I was sensing that she needed an outlet to talk about the whole situation, maybe things she was never able to verbalize or that she though she couldn't share with anyone close to her. So I recommended a blog. I find, even if I don't post entries every day, week or even month, it is very therapeutic and helps me to clarify all the thoughts in my head and redefine my ideas or feelings.

I write as though I am talking to someone, like someone is actually reading this, but it is an anonymous someone, and that provides tremendous freedom. I do this for myself, not really expecting that anyone is reading but secretly hoping that someone is. Just knowing that there maybe a person out there who has read these words is liberating. I can say anything without the fear of offending and maybe a random reader will choose to challenge my opinions and fuel the fire.
Is it crazy? Maybe. I think of it like therapy only its free. Why pay someone to tell you how you should be feeling or to constantly be asking "Well what do you think that means?" Occasionally you just need to vent and you don't want a response, just someone to listen.

So listen up.....just kidding.

I got a call from my mom today and she told me that the son of one of the women she works with lost everything in a fire. She knew I would understand what this poor kid is going though and that I would want to help any way I could. It has been almost a year since the house c. and I were renting burned down. This is the first time I have really been able to step back and think about what we went through. After the fire I was so focused on the things that had to be done, new drivers license, birth certificate, SS card, credit cards, check book, etc. that I really couldn't stop to feel anything about it. We moved into a new apartment so fast and just did our best to replace things we needed we never looked back. When I think about it now I am so blessed that my family, friends, and colleagues offered unbelievable support. We would never have survived loosing everything without that. You try so hard to focus on the positives like no one was hurt and we made it out safely with our cat. It is ok though to mourn the loss of your things. Even though they are just things, they are a part of your life and who you are. I am trying to think of what I can possible give this boy that will replace what he has lost. As much as we appreciated everything we were given it was not our stuff and it took a long time to be comfortable with our belongings and accept that they were really ours. To much emotional baggage attached to this topic that I am not ready to unleash yet so I'll end it here.

Wishful Thinking

I applied for a new job. Same company, different department. This was a tough decision for me, although I haven't gotten the job yet, because the current department I work in is my baby. m.s. and I created this department from nothing, or almost nothing. Others have been involved but essentially it was the two of us over a period of a couple of years. We put our hearts and souls into the project at the start. We were naive and ambitious and new the potential for this job. The company on the other hand did not favor our ideals and expectation for the future. Well 4 years later I think it has finally sunk in that things are not going to change, at least not for the better. We are so limited in our abilities to change anything and we are consistently forgotten or ignored when it comes to planning, forecasting or implementing changes. We are told after the fact how things are going to be. I am done with the bureaucracy and excuses.

I am more than qualified for the new position so it is just a matter of who else has applied and how well the interview goes. I am on excellent terms with the Supervisor of the new department and have worked on special projects for her in the past in addition to projects for other members of the department. My only concern is that a supervisor from our LA office, which closed recently, has also applied. We each have our own strengths. She has dealt more with customer complaints on the telephone but I have cornered the market on e-mail correspondence and website knowledge. I have also trained in several other department so I am fairly well rounded. I am trying to rationalize things so I am not to disappointed if I don't get the position.

Its not that I don't still love what I do. I enjoy many aspects of my job but the company has not and will not validate the department which I believe is a terrible mistake but I can't convince management of that fact. Anywho, I won't be devastated because I have a job I still enjoy to fall back on but I really do want this new position. It is a new and challenging opportunity that I think would be good for me.

Either way my resume is getting a touch up and I am still looking elsewhere because in my current position; zero job security. The hard part is I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Hey, Who really does?

A face lift and a welcome back

Well it has been a while. Too long I should say. So I gave the old girl a face lift and will jump back in the saddle. I'll take it slow at first. Nothing to heavy although so much has happened since my last entry. For now, just a hello but fear not, I shall return.