Ok so a few years ago m.s. insisted we all try this blogging thing, right. Who would have though I would in turn be converting other nonbelievers into blog-hounds. Yes I have been singing the therapeutic praises of the anonymous blog.
One of the women that I work with has been having a very tough week and justifiably so. Her son passed away unexpectedly a few years ago and Saturday is the anniversary of his death. It is difficult when you can see the suffering in someone's face and there are no words of consolation. What can you possible say? I have lost people very close to me, and some of them very unexpectedly but never a child. I can even begin to fathom the severity of that. I was sensing that she needed an outlet to talk about the whole situation, maybe things she was never able to verbalize or that she though she couldn't share with anyone close to her. So I recommended a blog. I find, even if I don't post entries every day, week or even month, it is very therapeutic and helps me to clarify all the thoughts in my head and redefine my ideas or feelings.
I write as though I am talking to someone, like someone is actually reading this, but it is an anonymous someone, and that provides tremendous freedom. I do this for myself, not really expecting that anyone is reading but secretly hoping that someone is. Just knowing that there maybe a person out there who has read these words is liberating. I can say anything without the fear of offending and maybe a random reader will choose to challenge my opinions and fuel the fire.
Is it crazy? Maybe. I think of it like therapy only its free. Why pay someone to tell you how you should be feeling or to constantly be asking "Well what do you think that means?" Occasionally you just need to vent and you don't want a response, just someone to listen.
So listen up.....just kidding.
I got a call from my mom today and she told me that the son of one of the women she works with lost everything in a fire. She knew I would understand what this poor kid is going though and that I would want to help any way I could. It has been almost a year since the house c. and I were renting burned down. This is the first time I have really been able to step back and think about what we went through. After the fire I was so focused on the things that had to be done, new drivers license, birth certificate, SS card, credit cards, check book, etc. that I really couldn't stop to feel anything about it. We moved into a new apartment so fast and just did our best to replace things we needed we never looked back. When I think about it now I am so blessed that my family, friends, and colleagues offered unbelievable support. We would never have survived loosing everything without that. You try so hard to focus on the positives like no one was hurt and we made it out safely with our cat. It is ok though to mourn the loss of your things. Even though they are just things, they are a part of your life and who you are. I am trying to think of what I can possible give this boy that will replace what he has lost. As much as we appreciated everything we were given it was not our stuff and it took a long time to be comfortable with our belongings and accept that they were really ours. To much emotional baggage attached to this topic that I am not ready to unleash yet so I'll end it here.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Wishful Thinking
I applied for a new job. Same company, different department. This was a tough decision for me, although I haven't gotten the job yet, because the current department I work in is my baby. m.s. and I created this department from nothing, or almost nothing. Others have been involved but essentially it was the two of us over a period of a couple of years. We put our hearts and souls into the project at the start. We were naive and ambitious and new the potential for this job. The company on the other hand did not favor our ideals and expectation for the future. Well 4 years later I think it has finally sunk in that things are not going to change, at least not for the better. We are so limited in our abilities to change anything and we are consistently forgotten or ignored when it comes to planning, forecasting or implementing changes. We are told after the fact how things are going to be. I am done with the bureaucracy and excuses.
I am more than qualified for the new position so it is just a matter of who else has applied and how well the interview goes. I am on excellent terms with the Supervisor of the new department and have worked on special projects for her in the past in addition to projects for other members of the department. My only concern is that a supervisor from our LA office, which closed recently, has also applied. We each have our own strengths. She has dealt more with customer complaints on the telephone but I have cornered the market on e-mail correspondence and website knowledge. I have also trained in several other department so I am fairly well rounded. I am trying to rationalize things so I am not to disappointed if I don't get the position.
Its not that I don't still love what I do. I enjoy many aspects of my job but the company has not and will not validate the department which I believe is a terrible mistake but I can't convince management of that fact. Anywho, I won't be devastated because I have a job I still enjoy to fall back on but I really do want this new position. It is a new and challenging opportunity that I think would be good for me.
Either way my resume is getting a touch up and I am still looking elsewhere because in my current position; zero job security. The hard part is I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Hey, Who really does?
I applied for a new job. Same company, different department. This was a tough decision for me, although I haven't gotten the job yet, because the current department I work in is my baby. m.s. and I created this department from nothing, or almost nothing. Others have been involved but essentially it was the two of us over a period of a couple of years. We put our hearts and souls into the project at the start. We were naive and ambitious and new the potential for this job. The company on the other hand did not favor our ideals and expectation for the future. Well 4 years later I think it has finally sunk in that things are not going to change, at least not for the better. We are so limited in our abilities to change anything and we are consistently forgotten or ignored when it comes to planning, forecasting or implementing changes. We are told after the fact how things are going to be. I am done with the bureaucracy and excuses.
I am more than qualified for the new position so it is just a matter of who else has applied and how well the interview goes. I am on excellent terms with the Supervisor of the new department and have worked on special projects for her in the past in addition to projects for other members of the department. My only concern is that a supervisor from our LA office, which closed recently, has also applied. We each have our own strengths. She has dealt more with customer complaints on the telephone but I have cornered the market on e-mail correspondence and website knowledge. I have also trained in several other department so I am fairly well rounded. I am trying to rationalize things so I am not to disappointed if I don't get the position.
Its not that I don't still love what I do. I enjoy many aspects of my job but the company has not and will not validate the department which I believe is a terrible mistake but I can't convince management of that fact. Anywho, I won't be devastated because I have a job I still enjoy to fall back on but I really do want this new position. It is a new and challenging opportunity that I think would be good for me.
Either way my resume is getting a touch up and I am still looking elsewhere because in my current position; zero job security. The hard part is I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Hey, Who really does?
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