Blog of Faith

It's funny how the world works sometimes. I have 4 cousins who were pregnant and all due in succession from June to September. The first three had a myriad of problems during the pregnancies but had beautiful healthy children. The 4th of these cousins, the healthiest of all, who followed all of the doctors orders and never had a single problem or complaint, had a stillbirth. As you can image the family was devastated. This sparked a discussion with my mom about "God" and faith.

My mom has always been a very religious person and had a strong faith. I on the other hand have always questioned my faith and I don't believe in "God", conventionally that is. I don't believe in any kind of organized religion but I also recognize that it is pretty naive to think that there is no existence of an omnipotent force or "higher power " as some people refer to it. In light of recent events my mom has really been questioning her faith. She is having a hard time justifying or reasoning how "God" could take a child, especially from someone like j.f. She is angry and hurt and is directing that anger towards "God". This is where our discussion became slightly heated.

I believe strongly in the theory of metaphysics. It is fairly complicated and would take to long to explain all at once. For anyone who is interested Richard Matheson wrote an incredible book that explains metaphysics in a condensed and simple way. Its calledThe Path If you get the chance check it out. Anyway, part of this theory is the belief that everything happens for a reason. I don't think that our lives are predestined because we do, after all, have free will but I do think that there is a reason for every experience we have in our lives. While we may not always be capable of recognizing the reason, there is one. Now of course my mothers first question was "So, tell me why this happened. What is the reason for it.?" This was my explanation, in short.

Of course when tragedy plagues us, we are not capable of recognizing that there could be a reason for the event. Our grief and despair consume us. This is part of the process. You grieve, you deal, you accept and you begin to heal. This healing process can take days, months, years or a lifetime. We are not always meant to know why things happen when they happen because we are not always prepared or willing to accept answers. All things are revealed in their own time. We then have the choice to do with that information what we will. We can learn form it and grow as a person or we can choose to ignore it. Now this is where things can get tricky. Events can effect different people in many different ways, and while something may seem pointless to you can be a life-altering event for someone else. Not everything is meant to have a meaning for everyone, but is meant to have a meaning for someone.

Well my mom and a lot of other people have a hard time accepting this theory (which I have overly simplified in this example. there is so much more involved) . I understand that because it is had to wrap your mind around. But during this whole argument I realized something. While not conventional, I have a stronger faith than my mother who has been a church going catholic for her whole life. There is nothing that she or anyone else could possibly say that would change my belief that everything happens for a reason, because I have faith. Figure that out.

Now I am sure that some people would say that I must never have had anything really bad or tragic happen in my life to think this way. Quite the contrary. I have experience more in my 28 years than most people will in a lifetime. I have lost family, friends, and acquaintances by natural causes, their own hand, and through tragic events. Being a New Yorker I was effected immensely by the events of September 11th. The only reason I can give as to how I have survived it all and still maintain my sanity and can still function as an active member of society...My Faith. And all this time I didn't think I had any.

The Makeover Blog

Well I have returned from the great beyond. Things have not gone exactly according to my plan but I guess you have to roll with the punches. My current living arrangement is, how can I put it delicately, less than desirable. We are making due with the roommates from hell, but unfortunately space issues or lack of space I should say, have prevented me from setting up my computer. I will have to abuse my privileges at work to maintain this blog. We'll just call it a bonus. I have earned it.

As you can see, not only my address has changed but so has my template. This is a little more my style. Hopefully there will be plenty to read from now on as my life has become somewhat more eventful. Until next time....

Missing Persons Report

I am currently between residences and have not had the opportunity to blog. With any luck I will be settled in my new temporary residence with in the next week and my internet access will be restored. And hopfully my permanent residence (a brand spanking new house) will be settled by the end of the year. Hooray!

Being a responsible adult really sucks.

TTFN

Welcome Back Blog

Ok, so I have been totaly consumed with the website I made for my boyfriends new niece Angie. She is such a doll. I have to say that I am very impressed with how it turned out, being that it was my first attempt at a site completely on my own. Now I am hooked. I can't wait to start my next one. I am going to have to register my own domain so I can get rid of all those damn banner ads. My next project will be coming up with a domain name. NameBoy will be my new best friend until I decide on one.

After last summer's sunburn fiasco which left me taking prednisone to relieve the inflamation and pain you would think I would learn but alas, I again have charbroiled my legs. I never used to burn. When I was a kid I would walk out in the sun and tan almost instantaniously. The older I get the faster I burn. I know this and yet I continue to venture outside unprotected. I was watching c. play softball and sitting out in the beautiful weather enjoying the day. I was actually excited that I might start off the summer looking more like a human being with some color, not the corpse I usally look like. Anyway, a couple of hours passed and I started to realize how hot my legs were feeling. Well by this point it was already to late. I was toast. It pisses me off that c. can sit outside for either 10 minutes or 10 hours, it really doesn't matter how long, and he just bronzes. It's not right I tell ya!!

All in all I had a really good weekend. I hung out with m.s. and c.h. on saturday and saw a movie. Then we abducted j.c from work to go play pool. I had fun even though I sucked. Pool is one of theose games that I could watch for hours. I love to not only watch but play people who are better than me. I understand the fundamentals of the game and I can map out a table immediately following the break. I can read the table and see each shot as it should be, my skills however prevent me from executing this vision. I haven't quite mastered the art of English.

Well I suppose I should get back to work seeing as that's what they pay me for.........Until we meet again.

The Absenteeist Blog

OK so I know I haven't blogged in like forever but I have a good reason. I am designing a website for my boyfriends brother as a virtual birth announcement. Angie was born last wednesday and I have some great pictures I am posting along with all your basic height, weight, etc. I'll link to it when It is done. Anyhow, I found this on TrishsDream and thought it was sweet and worth sharing.

The A-Z of Friendhip

A Friend...

(A) ccepts you as you are
(B) elieves in "you"
(C) alls you just to say "HI"
(D) oesn't give up on you
(E) nvisions the whole of you
(F) orgives your mistakes
(G) ives unconditionally
(H) elps you
(I) nvites you over
(J) ust to "be" with you
(K) eeps you close at heart
(L) oves you for who you are
(M) akes a difference in your life
(N) ever Judges
(O) ffers support
(P) icks you up
(Q) uiets your fears
(R) aises your spirits
(S) ays nice things about you
(T) ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U) nderstands you
(V) alues you
(W) alks beside you
(X) plain things you don't understand
(Y) anks your chain just for fun.
(Z) aps you back to reality

Anyone looking for some help with backgrounds for sites check out Backgrounds by MarieThe site has a ton of great images and sets. You can even design your own layed background. Thats all for now.

The Conformist Blog

This is actually kind of cute so I thought I would follow suit.

1. Animals/Pets: black cat named Magic (actually she is my boyfriends but I have adoped her as my own)
   
2. Best Friend: c.a. and my mom
   
3. Cohabitants: Dad & Grandma
   
4. Desire(s): Audition for a Broadway Musical, Get my freak on in Yankee Stadium, to have children, not in that order
   
5. Eye Color: Brown Eyed Girl
   
6. Favorite Food(s): McDonald's french fries, seafood
   
7. Games: PacMan, solitair, spades old school stuff
   
8. Habit(s): nail biting
   
9. Interests: Softball, Pool, culinary arts, crafts, music, writing
   
10. Job: tech-support/customer service
    
11. Kitchen (Wonder or Blunder?): Wonder
    
12. Languages: English, poco un italiano
    
13. Most Valued Possession(s) (an item, not people/pets): photo albums
    
14. Name (Named after?): Alison, my mom just always liked the name
    
15. Outfit You Love: My Denver Broncos hooded sweatshirt and a pair of boot cut jeans
    
16. Pizza Toppings: pepperoni, mushrooms, black olives
    
17. Question Asked To You the Most: When are you moving out?????
    
18. Relationship/Partner: Long term relationship with my best friend
    
19. Sport: (Playing) Softball (Watching) baseball, football
    
20. Television Show(s): Sopranos , The Osbournes , any reality t.v. (i know, I know, but I can't help it), Anything on the Food Network
    
21. Unsavory characteristic(s): a little to anal retentive for my own good.
    
22. Video (Favorites): Goonies, When Harry met Sally, Meet the Parents, Matrix to many to list
    
23. Webpage (Favorite--not your own): yahoo.com - a little generic but you can get anywhere from here
    
24. Xylophone (or other Instrument?): Clarinet, piano a little (self taught)
    
25. Year Born: 1974
    
26. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
    

Take me out to the Ball Game

I have to say, hands down, without a doubt, one of the greatest experiences in life has to be going to a major league baseball game at Yankee Stadium. I would love to say going to a game at any major league ballpark, but there us just something about the stadium in the Bronx that sets it apart from the rest. I've been to a few other stadiums and they can't compare. First and fore most one of life's little triumphs is battling traffic on the cross island parkway, getting to the ez-pass lane on the triboro bridge and making it to the stadium in one piece.

Once you reach the stadium there is this energy that consumes you. It is impossible not to get electrified and excited. I'm like a kid in a candy store. I have my ticket in hand from the second I step out of the car as I speedwalk feverishly to the gate. And as they tear that ticket in half and hand me back my stub, the hair on the back of my neck starts to rise. "I'm in Yankee Stadium!" Now, those faint smells you noticed in the parking garage surround you. Hot dogs, cotton candy, popcorn, soft pretzels, peanuts and beer. If they could only bottle that ballpark scent. Someone could make a fortune. At any other time the combination of so many different aromas would be enough to make someone ill, but not in a ballpark. There it smells like heaven.

The commotion of fans racing to their seats and stocking up on goodies for the game is amusing. We all look like ants in one of those ant farms running through the maze of tunnels. As you ride the escalator up, up ,up to the tier reserved seats year heart begins beating faster, faster you almost can't contain your excitement. The homestretch, walking the tunnel you can see the sun shining outside and as you approach your quicken your step. Finally, you reach the end and gaze out across the ballpark and for a split second your heart skips a beat and you hold your breath. The groundcrew is drawing the lines on the field and raking the infield. The players are warming up doing sprints in the outfield. You climb to your seat in utter amazement of the wonder that is major league baseball. And if you're lucky and get to the field early enough, you can tour Monument Park. Words can not describe the feeling walking through and reading about the likes of

• # 3 Babe Ruth
  
• # 4 Lou Gehrig
  
• # 7 Mickey Mantle
  
• # 5 Joe D.
  
• # 15 Thurman Munson
  
• # 37 Casey Stengel
  

and many others.

Once the feeling of awe subsides you return to your seat and the anticipation grows until you hear them announce the lineup. The roar of the crowd as the Bronx Bombers take the field is like nothing you have ever heard before. It is amazing you can take such pride in a team of, for all intense purposes, strangers. I have never met any of the players. I only know of them what I have read and yet I support and cheer for them as if they were my family and I will defend them to the death. The NY Yankees are the greatest team in baseball history. Let me clarify that, this is not simply what I felt during my first experience at a game. This happens each and every time I attend a game which, as I get older, becomes more and more frequent.

In closing, while I know that not everyone has the opportunity to get to Yankee Stadium, got to your nearest major league ballpark at least once in your life, and if there isn't a major league park, go to a minor league game or even a little league game and cheer for your hometown team. It's the simple things in life that make it worthwhile. Enjoy the game.

Blog For Thought

Talk amongst yourselves. Let me give you a topic.

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Discuss!!

It's Baby Fever

I don't know what they are putting in the water but it seems like everyone is having babies.Not only are there about a billion prego's at work I have 4 cousins and my sister who are pregnant. I'm not even going to mention My Biological Clock. It's funny, but when my sister told me she was pregnant I just assumed she was having a girl. On my recent trip to Dublin I bought her a christening bonnet for the baby that you are supposed to keep and can be turned into a handkercheif when she grows up and gets married. I never considered the fact that she might have a boy. The thought is almost inconceivable. In addition, I don't think that the useless waste of space (otherwise know as her husband) has enough testosterone in his body to produce a male child. I guess I just associate my sisters personality with the type of child she would have. She likes dressing up and frilly things and hates sports (other than golf) and getting messy. She'll have her kid dolled up in little pink dresses with bows in her hair wearing white gloves and sipping tea.

Not me. I want boys. All boys. I love sports, and getting messy and being rough and outspoken, which are all qualities which are more readily accepted in boys. I don't do frilly and I don't do dresses. No Barbie Dolls allowed. I hope that by the time I am ready to have kids you'll be able to take a pill to determine the sex of the child. Wouldn't that be awesom. Well, If my movie deal with m.s and c.h doesn't pan out I have a future in Genetics

And speaking of our movie deal, if The Blair Witch Project can make a shitload of money with 3 really bad actors and a camcorder, so can we.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Blog Angst

If any one has any suggestions on how I might correct this annoying situation to the right------------------------------>
I would be most greatful. It's bugging the hell out of me that i can't get these 2 boxes even and without that annoying blank space at the bottom. With my novice html writting status my eyes are about to pop right out of my head trying to keep track of my tags.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?

The Judgment Blog

The sole purpose of this blog is so that I can be judgmental and make unfounded generalizations about individuals and groups of people. Let's begin. The entire marketing department of my company (and I imagine many other companies) SUCKS ASS. It's like the blind leading the blind. What school did these people go do? Do they actually have a degree? Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing a diploma on the wall. No one can make a decision without first checking with ten other people so you have to wait unreasonable amounts of time for a simple yes or no answer. Then you present them with concrete facts about why something isn't going to work or should be changed and their answer is "Why don't we wait and see how things play out". So we wait and then we get overwhelmed with complaints and threats of law suits and viola! They do exactly what we originally asked them to from the beginning. Even though we talk to the customer all day every day, nobody listens (except for j.m.) because we don't have a little piece of paper that says B.A Marketing. Well my degree is in COMMON SENSE and its the only one I need. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you offer the customer something it is impossible to provide they're gonna be pissed.

Next...Are they teaching a new class in school "Be really rude to the telephone operator because then, you're sure to get your way." The lesson plans looks something like this.

1. Never let the operator finish their greeting. Interrupt immediately when they answer the phone
   
2. Even though you have heard the company name several times while on hold and the operator repeats it in their greeting always ask "Is this company so and so?" Just to be sure.
   
3. Spout off random bits of information in no apparent order or context and always in the form of a statement so the operator won't know if you are asking a question or telling them something. Keep them on their toes.
   
4. If the operator asks you a question and offers several choices for a response always answer "YES"
   
5. If at all possible, find someone who speaks and understands less english than you to conduct the conversation with the operator. This is always a crowd pleaser
   
6. If at any time there is a pregnant pause in the conversation, immediately begin to tell the operator your life story because this will help them immensely in servicing you and will not distract them in any way.
   
7. You are the only customer to ever have a special circumstance or special need and the operator will never again in their life ever have to make an exception so don't believe them when they tell you that they can not help you.
   
8. If you don't get exactly what you are looking for, proceed to blame the telephone operator because what they don't want you to know is that they have the power to change company policy as well as some state and federal laws to get you what you want.
   
9. Never, Never, Ever get the name of anyone you have spoken with previously. This way they can't verify any information you claim to have been told by someone else.
   
10. Don't ever thank the operator for their time, this is a sign of weakness and the operator may try take advantage of your kindness and lie to you because it makes their job easier.
    
11. If all else fails hang up and dial again. You can probably find another operator who will crumble under the pressure and promise you anything you want.
    
    Advanced courses available in e-mail combat, conniving, complaining, and how to scam customer relations with your sob story. Don't people know if you can effectively communicate your disappointment in a product without being rude and can support your claim with basic facts you can get a ton of free shit. Maybe I should teach a class.
    

And my last rant for the evening, my significant others roomates j.d. & c.d. It amazes me that two people can be so elf centered and inconsiderate. c. has been living in this apartment for like 8 years. When his old roomates moved out j.d moved in and then a month later j.d. asked his girlfriend c.d. to move in without even asking c. Well no biggie for c. because not his rent is lower and he has more money. He's easygoing that way. Anyhow, they have taken over the apartment like they have been living there forever and are kind enough to rent c. a room. Their crap is spread all over the whole apartment. They are pigs. they never wash their dishes so they pile up in the sink until we need to wash them so we can eat or c. gets fed up and cleans them. I wash more dishes at his house than at my own and the worst part is they always eat shit with sauce on it and they don't even rinse the stuff off so by the time I or c. gets to it the sauce is dried and caked on. j.d. has a son b. who is 4 years old and spends random nights and weekends at the house. j.d sits him in front of the t.v to watch nickelodeon or play video games where he learns to shoot people and say things like fuck you or your a shit head etc. When b. gets antsy from sitting around all day and bugs j.d. to pay attention to him he gets yelled at. So b. gets rowdy and makes a mess all over the place downstairs and it takes them days to clean it up. You can't buy any food and leave it in the freezer because they eat it. Don't even get me started on the monthly/daily/hourly fights that j.d. & c.d. get into and then I have to listen to c.d. as she cries how mean he is to her and she wants to move out and she can't take it anymore and then 5 minutes later they are fucking on the dryer in the laundry room or c.d. is giving him a handjob on the couch while we are all sitting around watching a movie.

So anyway, In case you were wondering, my feeling today is that I am better than all of these people in fact I think that I might just be the greatest person alive. Deal with it. I'll be kinder tomorrow

Like sands through the hour glass so are the blogs of our lives

Do you ever get the feeling when your at work that, no matter how hard you try and how much you accomplish your day was wasted and your time would have been better spent is you just hadn't gotten out of bed this morning. Sometimes I get so caught up in the chaos surrounding me and trying to organize and be efficient that I forget that there are other people around me. I don't do it intentionaly but when I get focused on something, whatever I happen to be working on at the moment, I block out everything else and I am off in my own little world. I think it's because I have had so many jobs where I didn't care to socialize with many of my co-workers.

It's not that I did't like them or that we couldn't get along but more so that we just had a different work ethic and that puts a strain on a working environment and is not condusive to friendship development. When I go to work I try to get as much done as I can in the shortest amount of time, so that in the event that something major pops up, the majority of my daily busywork is done and I can focus on the task at hand. My co-workers on the other hand spent the majority of their trying to find.make excuses why they couldn't/should't/wouldn't do the work. That's not how I operate. I am getting paid to do a job so I do it and if I have to take on a few added responsibilities because it makes my job easier, so be it. Well as you can image this does not sit well with said co-workers who now tend to look bad on a daily basis because if you can manage all of this work on your own, why can't they collectively finish even the most basic tasks on time. In addition, I can't stand the bullshit that goes on in most offices. I could care less about the gossip which is why I am usually out of the loop when stuff actually does happen. So you tend to block it all out and just do your own thing. You are cordial and participate in general conversation, but he second the gossip whore's start up, you zone out. Which brings me to my next point. The back stabbing. It is hard to develop relationships with people you know you can't trust because the second you turn around they will stab you in the back. I will never understand how someone can blantently lie and take credit for someone else's work. Or try to blame someone else for their mistakes. For fuck's sake, admit it when you screw up. People will respect you more for being honest and having the testicular fortitude to take responsibility for it.

In any case, I have learned to just do my thing in the midst of it all and not be phased by it. Enter stage left a job I really enjoy and people I love to work with. m.s. and. c.h already know I adore them and I will never cease singing their praises (I am like their own personal reject spartan cheerleader). I completely trust both of them because know they have the same goals and ideas about the job that I do. And they let me fight for the cause because they know I love it. I admit it, I'm the squeaky wheel. Hey somebody has to be right. I do have to say for myself though that I know how to pick my battles and I only go to the mattresses for those things I really think are important. But there are a lot of other people (z.t., j.c, j.s.,) that I really haven't gotten an opportunity to get to know on more than a casual level. I think that I may give off the wrong impression. It's not that I am ignoring anyone or that I don't want to get to know them I am just conditioned to focus on the job. I have to learn to relax a little. My control issues sometimes get the best of me. I want to know how to do everything. It annoys me if there is an an aspect of the job that I don't have a handle on. I want to know every facet of the company as it effects my job. I think it is hard for me to associate socializing with the work environment, not to mention j.m calling me up when i have been in wrap up for more than 2 seconds. You have to find the balance. That's the hard part.

Note to self ---- It is O.K. to enjoy yourself at work and to socialize, the world will not end if all the work is not done at 16:00. You might feel more productive if you contribute to the world itself rather than just the GNP.

The Soap Box Blog

After reading about c.h.'s not so desirable experience with his girlfriend over the weekend I got to thinking. Why is it, that when a person makes a decision that they feel is right for them at any particular time and someone else unfortunately and unintentionally gets hurt as a result, we have been conditioned to feel guilty or feel like we have to make excuses for the decisions we have made. That is totally fucked up. This is why 85% of America is in therapy.

We are so consumed with political correctness and handling others with kid gloves we end up in self-destructive situations where we and those around us are unhappy. Granted, other people’s feelings should most certainly be considered, but only to a certain point. You can't sacrifice yourself to spare someone else's heartache. When I say I speak from experience I mean I am the Jedi Master of dysfunctional relationships. And I don't only mean romantic relationships; I mean all relationships including friendships working relations, family etc. I spent the better part of my life (middle & high school) being walked all over and sacrificing myself to please others. Every decision I made, was made in fear that I would disappoint or hurt someone. I never thought about what I wanted or needed, that concept was foreign, that my feelings counted or that I was even allowed to have feelings never crossed my mind. The old saying is true, you can't please all of the people all of the time. That didn't stop me from trying. You can image what that would do to a person. When you want and need so badly to please someone, and then what you do is not appreciated or noticed or even acknowledged, little by little and without even knowing it turns to anger and sadness. So while you put on a happy face and you laugh at all the jokes, make the jokes most of the time, and you are everyone’s best friend, and you listen to everyone’s problems, and are the best advice giver, and you bear all the burden of the world, no one knows that your dying inside. No one ever even bothers to ask. Why would they you're the happiest person they know.

So what that your mom disappeared one day and didn't come back for weeks and you didn't know where she was. So what that you had to visit her in a hospital because she was sick, but you were to young to understand the difference between mental sickness and physical sickness, and you couldn't make her a card to leave in her room so she knew that you loved her. So what that your parents got divorced any you couldn't understand why. By the way what's an alcoholic and am I going to become one too. So what that your mom was with this new guy and she wanted you to like him and all you wanted to do was hate him and for your parents to get back together. So what that that the car crashed into the telephone pole near the backyard and you watched your neighbor burn to death in the car and no one would let you get the hose from the backyard to put the fire out and the nightmares came again and again and again. What happens when you die? And you aren't pretty enough for the boys to go out with but your cool enough to be one of them and hang out and ask for advise on how to ask out other girls. And you aren't talented enough to get a role in the school play or musical but you can design all the sets and make the programs and do the lighting and sound as well as all the other grunt work but we won't tell anyone you helped. And you can work so hard and plan every detail of an event that they still hold every Halloween at the high school but we will leave your picture out of the yearbook. And that's not a good choice for a major in college. You can't pick something you like you have to pick something where you can make money!

While not all of these things are equally important at that time they felt like the biggest things in the world and I painted on my happy face and went through the motions of every day all the while being consumed by sadness. You start to close yourself off from people and you try to numb yourself to everything. You don't want to feel and you don't want to breathe and you don't want to live. Well folks the answer is not at the bottom of a bottle of pills.

My saving grace was college. I went as far away as I could possibly go and still remain in NY (state schools are much cheaper and I am still paying it off) Enter Buffalo State College I thought that I could start fresh. No one knew me so I could be anyone I wanted. Unfortunately, little did I know, emotional baggage follows you no matter how far you go. That's a whole nother story that will take many blogs to explain.

The point of this whole rant is that we should not feel bad about making choices for ourselves. Everyone deserves to be selfish when it comes to who they are. Don't deny yourself experiences and choices because you are worried about other people. You may not always be the most popular and yes at times you will be disliked, but anyone who know you and is truly a friend will understand if it makes you happy, it is necessary. You have 2 choices in life you can learn from your mistakes, and if you do then there really are no mistakes, or you can choose to ignore life’s lessons and then you are doomed to repeat those mistakes and never find true happiness with yourself or with the world.

An abrupt ending to a long story which I will continue when I have more emotional stamina.
and P.S. the following is for m.s. so she knows she is not the only one who though her stuff was the bomb when she wrote it. And you know what it was. At that time in your life you found a way to express and emotion in a different way. Maybe you couldn't verbalize it in a conversation but it was something that needed to be said. Kudos, this is something that few people have the opportunity or courage to try.

LIIGHTNING

as frightened 

      as I am of 

           lightning 

                 it has 

             an odd 

        beauty 

   reaching 

      down from 

        the heavens 

             to touch the

        humble earth 

     illuminating  

 the darkest 

     night, gone 

         as quickly 

            as it came 

                  then 

                     rain. 

Untitled

Gliding across the azure sky
the epitome of elegance and grace
soaring above the humble earth
a free spirit, hindered by naught
A gentle touch dissipates images
leaving only an essence, captured
etched into the core of existence
an everlasting vision, felt never seen
With mighty force it breaks through
flowing from a source unknown
cleansing and pure, washing o'er
unaware of its powerful testimony
Behold, thy eternal light
casting away shadows of darkness
fear quickly subsides
enter, proceed unto paradise
Doth it beckon? reply and make haste
do not belittle this invitation
heed thy warning, it waits for none
by morrow it is no more

I'm no Emily Dickinson, but I still like them because they mean something to me and I didn't write them for anyone else to read. I wrote them for me so it doesn't matter if anyone else likes them.

GRRRR

Blogging can not continue until my template looks the way I want it to. It's not working. so don't hold your breath.

Warning! Blogging may be contagious

So I am reading m.s's blog to catch up on the recent goings on as it is apparent to all that I have been neglecting the blog.

Aside

I feel I need to, for a moment, explain that
although I was an english major in college
all the principles of grammar that I learned
have been tossed out the proverbial window.

For some inexplicable reason I am unable
to communicate my thought in any other
form than stream of consciousness. So
while I fruitlessly attempt to verbalize in
any coherent fashion, punctuation evades
me and I am left with endless run ons and
grammatically incorrect jargon. m.s. will
have a field day with her red correction pen.
With that said I continue with "My so called
life"

So I am catching up when I realize that I am not the only cheeseball who has seen and can quote from The Pick-Up Artist. My My aren't we children of the 80's. What's next, leg warmers. Hey is it possible to have virtual leg warmers. There's a new domain name for you. virtuallegwarmers.com

Again I must reiterate the difficulty of maintaining a relationship and a blog when the two are not copacetic. My significant other and computers are like vinegar and water. No matter how often you mix them together and how vigorously you stir they just do not mix. I don't get it. I mean he has a computer that is collecting dust under a pile of rubbish in his closet. My repeated attempts to explain the benefits and usefulness of this piece of machinery are wasted. My time would be better spent banging my head against the wall. O.K. so lets review. As cablevision does not carry the yes network c. can not watch any of the yankee games and is constantly trying to catch the score on "The Bottom Line" on ESPN No matter how many times I say "Hey if you set up the computer you can check the score anytime you want, heck you can watch the whole play by play online" and yes, I actually said HECK he never learns. Be patient Grasshopper. All good things come to those who wait. Yes sensei.

So now c.h. has succumbed to the glory of the blog under the guise of education. Hah. Say what you will but no one can resist the power of the blog. "Each time I think I'm out, they pull be back in". c.h. is now the computer Guru at work. The neophytes we work with are so freaked out by our intranet so they come running over to him all day begging for his help. He says click here and hit shift F9 and he is revered a genius. The monument should be erected in the lobby by early fall. I jest. I can't wait to see what he does with his blog. He may not be an expert yet but wait and see. Prepare to be amazed.

On a similar note, while I love my job and most of the work that I do, I pisses me off that the company still can't recognize the potential of our small department. I am no computer whiz. I can hold my own and I understand concepts but I don't love it the way m.s. and c.h. do. If they gave m.s. the oportunity she would have the website redesigned and functioning like clockwork in no time. She is such a customer service oriented person and thats a great balance for me. c.h. well, what can I say excpet that he is amazing. He is going to school to become MCSE certified and could singlehandedly replace CAMPUS. I on the other hand love the organization and statistics of the job. I like the technical side to, don't get me wrong but I prefer fighting for the cause. I am a "going to the mattresses" kind of girl. As anyone will tell you I am very opinionated and am not shy about sharing those opinions with other. While this does not always make me the Fan Favorite, I don't mind because sometimes things need to be said even if they don't always want to be heard. We could do so much for the company if they would only give us the oportunity. How often do you find three people who enjoy working together, who get along well both at work and outside of work, and who compliment each other so well. We could conquer the world if we wanted to. But that would entail leaving our terminals and that just does not compute.

Damn, said non computer friendly significant other is here with nourishment. Until later...................

Blog interrupted

I am rapidly realizing that it is very difficult to maintain a blog when you are in a relationship with someone who does not own a computer. As I spend the majority of my time at his house, hence I am computer deprived and find that, once he has drifted off to sleep I lie awake and try to contrive a plan that would allow me to quickly return home, e-mail, blog and what have you and return to his side without him noticing that I have been gone. Although he is a sound sleeper he always seems to wake up the second I leave the bed. Drat, Foiled again!!

I had the unfortunate experience of attending a wake on Saturday night. J.D.'s father passed away and though I did not know him well (I had only met him once) It was apparent by the turnout at the funeral home he was a well loved man. I actually felt better seeing all of those people and I think it also helped J.D. to see that others recognized the caliber person his father was. A wake is such an awkward event. I spentmost of the evening tring to avoid eye contact with J.D. because I did't know what to say or even what expresion to show. Do I smile and seem insensitive to the situation. Looking forelorn might only add to his stress. I am impressed with how he handled himself in a very difficult situation. He maintained his composure, greeted friends, reletives and people he had never met before which I think really helped his mom. C.A. was even more uncomfortable than I was and J.D. is his roomate. He sat on the couch so rigid and expressionless. He has a difficult time with emotion. But, at least he was there to support his friend. The funeral was this morning. Unfortunately I was unable to attend. I hope J.D. had enough support to make it through the day. Things are going to be difficult for him for a long time. He was very close to his father.

What do you say to someone who has lost a parent. I can even begin to comprehend what he must be going through. I wanted so desperately to offer some great words of wisdom as I have lost people vey close to me, but there are none. It sucks, and it hurts and the hurst doesn't go away, ever. Yes in time the pain eases and you learn how to make it through each day, but how can you explain that to someone and expect it to make them feel better. It is such a helpless feeling, to see some one in pain and know there is nothing that you can do. Time. It sound cliche, but it the truth. Time heals all wounds. Sure it may heal but it still leaves scars thet never go away.

What planet are you people from????

It never ceases to amaze me that there are people in this world that can function on a daily basis without the assistance of a computer.
Mind you, I do not spend all of my spare time clacking away at the keys as anyone can see as I do not blog every day, but I do work with
computers daily as do all of my colleagues and yet, "at the end of the day" the majority of these people can find a fucking mouse or even
the power button.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??? What planet are these people from and why are they invading my sanity?

My own significant other c. is a computer moron. I love him to death but, outside of his work environment and the scope of the AS-400 and the yankees , he is lost in cyberspace.

E-mail, bill pay, shopping, the information superhighway...I thrive on it. The thought of actually having to write out a check and put a stamp on an
envelope makes me shudder. Maybe I am spoiled but my free time is better spent not only experiencing the world but actually seeing it, not chained
to a desk with my quill pen and ink signing my life away.

And so I continue my plight to enlighten others of my point and click mentality and hope that some of it rubs off.

Welcome to the winter of my discontent

So..... m.s. seems to think this is the next best thing to sex so I though I would give it a go and see what happens.