Blog Angst
If any one has any suggestions on how I might correct this annoying situation to the right------------------------------>
I would be most greatful. It's bugging the hell out of me that i can't get these 2 boxes even and without that annoying blank space at the bottom. With my novice html writting status my eyes are about to pop right out of my head trying to keep track of my tags.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?
Thursday, May 30, 2002
The Judgment Blog
The sole purpose of this blog is so that I can be judgmental and make unfounded generalizations about individuals and groups of people. Let's begin. The entire marketing department of my company (and I imagine many other companies) SUCKS ASS. It's like the blind leading the blind. What school did these people go do? Do they actually have a degree? Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing a diploma on the wall. No one can make a decision without first checking with ten other people so you have to wait unreasonable amounts of time for a simple yes or no answer. Then you present them with concrete facts about why something isn't going to work or should be changed and their answer is "Why don't we wait and see how things play out". So we wait and then we get overwhelmed with complaints and threats of law suits and viola! They do exactly what we originally asked them to from the beginning. Even though we talk to the customer all day every day, nobody listens (except for j.m.) because we don't have a little piece of paper that says B.A Marketing. Well my degree is in COMMON SENSE and its the only one I need. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you offer the customer something it is impossible to provide they're gonna be pissed.
Next...Are they teaching a new class in school "Be really rude to the telephone operator because then, you're sure to get your way." The lesson plans looks something like this.
And my last rant for the evening, my significant others roomates j.d. & c.d. It amazes me that two people can be so elf centered and inconsiderate. c. has been living in this apartment for like 8 years. When his old roomates moved out j.d moved in and then a month later j.d. asked his girlfriend c.d. to move in without even asking c. Well no biggie for c. because not his rent is lower and he has more money. He's easygoing that way. Anyhow, they have taken over the apartment like they have been living there forever and are kind enough to rent c. a room. Their crap is spread all over the whole apartment. They are pigs. they never wash their dishes so they pile up in the sink until we need to wash them so we can eat or c. gets fed up and cleans them. I wash more dishes at his house than at my own and the worst part is they always eat shit with sauce on it and they don't even rinse the stuff off so by the time I or c. gets to it the sauce is dried and caked on. j.d. has a son b. who is 4 years old and spends random nights and weekends at the house. j.d sits him in front of the t.v to watch nickelodeon or play video games where he learns to shoot people and say things like fuck you or your a shit head etc. When b. gets antsy from sitting around all day and bugs j.d. to pay attention to him he gets yelled at. So b. gets rowdy and makes a mess all over the place downstairs and it takes them days to clean it up. You can't buy any food and leave it in the freezer because they eat it. Don't even get me started on the monthly/daily/hourly fights that j.d. & c.d. get into and then I have to listen to c.d. as she cries how mean he is to her and she wants to move out and she can't take it anymore and then 5 minutes later they are fucking on the dryer in the laundry room or c.d. is giving him a handjob on the couch while we are all sitting around watching a movie.
So anyway, In case you were wondering, my feeling today is that I am better than all of these people in fact I think that I might just be the greatest person alive. Deal with it. I'll be kinder tomorrow
The sole purpose of this blog is so that I can be judgmental and make unfounded generalizations about individuals and groups of people. Let's begin. The entire marketing department of my company (and I imagine many other companies) SUCKS ASS. It's like the blind leading the blind. What school did these people go do? Do they actually have a degree? Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing a diploma on the wall. No one can make a decision without first checking with ten other people so you have to wait unreasonable amounts of time for a simple yes or no answer. Then you present them with concrete facts about why something isn't going to work or should be changed and their answer is "Why don't we wait and see how things play out". So we wait and then we get overwhelmed with complaints and threats of law suits and viola! They do exactly what we originally asked them to from the beginning. Even though we talk to the customer all day every day, nobody listens (except for j.m.) because we don't have a little piece of paper that says B.A Marketing. Well my degree is in COMMON SENSE and its the only one I need. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you offer the customer something it is impossible to provide they're gonna be pissed.
Next...Are they teaching a new class in school "Be really rude to the telephone operator because then, you're sure to get your way." The lesson plans looks something like this.
- Never let the operator finish their greeting. Interrupt immediately when they answer the phone
- Even though you have heard the company name several times while on hold and the operator repeats it in their greeting always ask "Is this company so and so?" Just to be sure.
- Spout off random bits of information in no apparent order or context and always in the form of a statement so the operator won't know if you are asking a question or telling them something. Keep them on their toes.
- If the operator asks you a question and offers several choices for a response always answer "YES"
- If at all possible, find someone who speaks and understands less english than you to conduct the conversation with the operator. This is always a crowd pleaser
- If at any time there is a pregnant pause in the conversation, immediately begin to tell the operator your life story because this will help them immensely in servicing you and will not distract them in any way.
- You are the only customer to ever have a special circumstance or special need and the operator will never again in their life ever have to make an exception so don't believe them when they tell you that they can not help you.
- If you don't get exactly what you are looking for, proceed to blame the telephone operator because what they don't want you to know is that they have the power to change company policy as well as some state and federal laws to get you what you want.
- Never, Never, Ever get the name of anyone you have spoken with previously. This way they can't verify any information you claim to have been told by someone else.
- Don't ever thank the operator for their time, this is a sign of weakness and the operator may try take advantage of your kindness and lie to you because it makes their job easier.
- If all else fails hang up and dial again. You can probably find another operator who will crumble under the pressure and promise you anything you want.
Advanced courses available in e-mail combat, conniving, complaining, and how to scam customer relations with your sob story. Don't people know if you can effectively communicate your disappointment in a product without being rude and can support your claim with basic facts you can get a ton of free shit. Maybe I should teach a class.
And my last rant for the evening, my significant others roomates j.d. & c.d. It amazes me that two people can be so elf centered and inconsiderate. c. has been living in this apartment for like 8 years. When his old roomates moved out j.d moved in and then a month later j.d. asked his girlfriend c.d. to move in without even asking c. Well no biggie for c. because not his rent is lower and he has more money. He's easygoing that way. Anyhow, they have taken over the apartment like they have been living there forever and are kind enough to rent c. a room. Their crap is spread all over the whole apartment. They are pigs. they never wash their dishes so they pile up in the sink until we need to wash them so we can eat or c. gets fed up and cleans them. I wash more dishes at his house than at my own and the worst part is they always eat shit with sauce on it and they don't even rinse the stuff off so by the time I or c. gets to it the sauce is dried and caked on. j.d. has a son b. who is 4 years old and spends random nights and weekends at the house. j.d sits him in front of the t.v to watch nickelodeon or play video games where he learns to shoot people and say things like fuck you or your a shit head etc. When b. gets antsy from sitting around all day and bugs j.d. to pay attention to him he gets yelled at. So b. gets rowdy and makes a mess all over the place downstairs and it takes them days to clean it up. You can't buy any food and leave it in the freezer because they eat it. Don't even get me started on the monthly/daily/hourly fights that j.d. & c.d. get into and then I have to listen to c.d. as she cries how mean he is to her and she wants to move out and she can't take it anymore and then 5 minutes later they are fucking on the dryer in the laundry room or c.d. is giving him a handjob on the couch while we are all sitting around watching a movie.
So anyway, In case you were wondering, my feeling today is that I am better than all of these people in fact I think that I might just be the greatest person alive. Deal with it. I'll be kinder tomorrow
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
Like sands through the hour glass so are the blogs of our lives
Do you ever get the feeling when your at work that, no matter how hard you try and how much you accomplish your day was wasted and your time would have been better spent is you just hadn't gotten out of bed this morning. Sometimes I get so caught up in the chaos surrounding me and trying to organize and be efficient that I forget that there are other people around me. I don't do it intentionaly but when I get focused on something, whatever I happen to be working on at the moment, I block out everything else and I am off in my own little world. I think it's because I have had so many jobs where I didn't care to socialize with many of my co-workers.
It's not that I did't like them or that we couldn't get along but more so that we just had a different work ethic and that puts a strain on a working environment and is not condusive to friendship development. When I go to work I try to get as much done as I can in the shortest amount of time, so that in the event that something major pops up, the majority of my daily busywork is done and I can focus on the task at hand. My co-workers on the other hand spent the majority of their trying to find.make excuses why they couldn't/should't/wouldn't do the work. That's not how I operate. I am getting paid to do a job so I do it and if I have to take on a few added responsibilities because it makes my job easier, so be it. Well as you can image this does not sit well with said co-workers who now tend to look bad on a daily basis because if you can manage all of this work on your own, why can't they collectively finish even the most basic tasks on time. In addition, I can't stand the bullshit that goes on in most offices. I could care less about the gossip which is why I am usually out of the loop when stuff actually does happen. So you tend to block it all out and just do your own thing. You are cordial and participate in general conversation, but he second the gossip whore's start up, you zone out. Which brings me to my next point. The back stabbing. It is hard to develop relationships with people you know you can't trust because the second you turn around they will stab you in the back. I will never understand how someone can blantently lie and take credit for someone else's work. Or try to blame someone else for their mistakes. For fuck's sake, admit it when you screw up. People will respect you more for being honest and having the testicular fortitude to take responsibility for it.
In any case, I have learned to just do my thing in the midst of it all and not be phased by it. Enter stage left a job I really enjoy and people I love to work with. m.s. and. c.h already know I adore them and I will never cease singing their praises (I am like their own personal reject spartan cheerleader). I completely trust both of them because know they have the same goals and ideas about the job that I do. And they let me fight for the cause because they know I love it. I admit it, I'm the squeaky wheel. Hey somebody has to be right. I do have to say for myself though that I know how to pick my battles and I only go to the mattresses for those things I really think are important. But there are a lot of other people (z.t., j.c, j.s.,) that I really haven't gotten an opportunity to get to know on more than a casual level. I think that I may give off the wrong impression. It's not that I am ignoring anyone or that I don't want to get to know them I am just conditioned to focus on the job. I have to learn to relax a little. My control issues sometimes get the best of me. I want to know how to do everything. It annoys me if there is an an aspect of the job that I don't have a handle on. I want to know every facet of the company as it effects my job. I think it is hard for me to associate socializing with the work environment, not to mention j.m calling me up when i have been in wrap up for more than 2 seconds. You have to find the balance. That's the hard part.
Note to self ---- It is O.K. to enjoy yourself at work and to socialize, the world will not end if all the work is not done at 16:00. You might feel more productive if you contribute to the world itself rather than just the GNP.
Do you ever get the feeling when your at work that, no matter how hard you try and how much you accomplish your day was wasted and your time would have been better spent is you just hadn't gotten out of bed this morning. Sometimes I get so caught up in the chaos surrounding me and trying to organize and be efficient that I forget that there are other people around me. I don't do it intentionaly but when I get focused on something, whatever I happen to be working on at the moment, I block out everything else and I am off in my own little world. I think it's because I have had so many jobs where I didn't care to socialize with many of my co-workers.
It's not that I did't like them or that we couldn't get along but more so that we just had a different work ethic and that puts a strain on a working environment and is not condusive to friendship development. When I go to work I try to get as much done as I can in the shortest amount of time, so that in the event that something major pops up, the majority of my daily busywork is done and I can focus on the task at hand. My co-workers on the other hand spent the majority of their trying to find.make excuses why they couldn't/should't/wouldn't do the work. That's not how I operate. I am getting paid to do a job so I do it and if I have to take on a few added responsibilities because it makes my job easier, so be it. Well as you can image this does not sit well with said co-workers who now tend to look bad on a daily basis because if you can manage all of this work on your own, why can't they collectively finish even the most basic tasks on time. In addition, I can't stand the bullshit that goes on in most offices. I could care less about the gossip which is why I am usually out of the loop when stuff actually does happen. So you tend to block it all out and just do your own thing. You are cordial and participate in general conversation, but he second the gossip whore's start up, you zone out. Which brings me to my next point. The back stabbing. It is hard to develop relationships with people you know you can't trust because the second you turn around they will stab you in the back. I will never understand how someone can blantently lie and take credit for someone else's work. Or try to blame someone else for their mistakes. For fuck's sake, admit it when you screw up. People will respect you more for being honest and having the testicular fortitude to take responsibility for it.
In any case, I have learned to just do my thing in the midst of it all and not be phased by it. Enter stage left a job I really enjoy and people I love to work with. m.s. and. c.h already know I adore them and I will never cease singing their praises (I am like their own personal reject spartan cheerleader). I completely trust both of them because know they have the same goals and ideas about the job that I do. And they let me fight for the cause because they know I love it. I admit it, I'm the squeaky wheel. Hey somebody has to be right. I do have to say for myself though that I know how to pick my battles and I only go to the mattresses for those things I really think are important. But there are a lot of other people (z.t., j.c, j.s.,) that I really haven't gotten an opportunity to get to know on more than a casual level. I think that I may give off the wrong impression. It's not that I am ignoring anyone or that I don't want to get to know them I am just conditioned to focus on the job. I have to learn to relax a little. My control issues sometimes get the best of me. I want to know how to do everything. It annoys me if there is an an aspect of the job that I don't have a handle on. I want to know every facet of the company as it effects my job. I think it is hard for me to associate socializing with the work environment, not to mention j.m calling me up when i have been in wrap up for more than 2 seconds. You have to find the balance. That's the hard part.
Note to self ---- It is O.K. to enjoy yourself at work and to socialize, the world will not end if all the work is not done at 16:00. You might feel more productive if you contribute to the world itself rather than just the GNP.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
The Soap Box Blog
After reading about c.h.'s not so desirable experience with his girlfriend over the weekend I got to thinking. Why is it, that when a person makes a decision that they feel is right for them at any particular time and someone else unfortunately and unintentionally gets hurt as a result, we have been conditioned to feel guilty or feel like we have to make excuses for the decisions we have made. That is totally fucked up. This is why 85% of America is in therapy.
We are so consumed with political correctness and handling others with kid gloves we end up in self-destructive situations where we and those around us are unhappy. Granted, other people’s feelings should most certainly be considered, but only to a certain point. You can't sacrifice yourself to spare someone else's heartache. When I say I speak from experience I mean I am the Jedi Master of dysfunctional relationships. And I don't only mean romantic relationships; I mean all relationships including friendships working relations, family etc. I spent the better part of my life (middle & high school) being walked all over and sacrificing myself to please others. Every decision I made, was made in fear that I would disappoint or hurt someone. I never thought about what I wanted or needed, that concept was foreign, that my feelings counted or that I was even allowed to have feelings never crossed my mind. The old saying is true, you can't please all of the people all of the time. That didn't stop me from trying. You can image what that would do to a person. When you want and need so badly to please someone, and then what you do is not appreciated or noticed or even acknowledged, little by little and without even knowing it turns to anger and sadness. So while you put on a happy face and you laugh at all the jokes, make the jokes most of the time, and you are everyone’s best friend, and you listen to everyone’s problems, and are the best advice giver, and you bear all the burden of the world, no one knows that your dying inside. No one ever even bothers to ask. Why would they you're the happiest person they know.
So what that your mom disappeared one day and didn't come back for weeks and you didn't know where she was. So what that you had to visit her in a hospital because she was sick, but you were to young to understand the difference between mental sickness and physical sickness, and you couldn't make her a card to leave in her room so she knew that you loved her. So what that your parents got divorced any you couldn't understand why. By the way what's an alcoholic and am I going to become one too. So what that your mom was with this new guy and she wanted you to like him and all you wanted to do was hate him and for your parents to get back together. So what that that the car crashed into the telephone pole near the backyard and you watched your neighbor burn to death in the car and no one would let you get the hose from the backyard to put the fire out and the nightmares came again and again and again. What happens when you die? And you aren't pretty enough for the boys to go out with but your cool enough to be one of them and hang out and ask for advise on how to ask out other girls. And you aren't talented enough to get a role in the school play or musical but you can design all the sets and make the programs and do the lighting and sound as well as all the other grunt work but we won't tell anyone you helped. And you can work so hard and plan every detail of an event that they still hold every Halloween at the high school but we will leave your picture out of the yearbook. And that's not a good choice for a major in college. You can't pick something you like you have to pick something where you can make money!
While not all of these things are equally important at that time they felt like the biggest things in the world and I painted on my happy face and went through the motions of every day all the while being consumed by sadness. You start to close yourself off from people and you try to numb yourself to everything. You don't want to feel and you don't want to breathe and you don't want to live. Well folks the answer is not at the bottom of a bottle of pills.
My saving grace was college. I went as far away as I could possibly go and still remain in NY (state schools are much cheaper and I am still paying it off) Enter Buffalo State College I thought that I could start fresh. No one knew me so I could be anyone I wanted. Unfortunately, little did I know, emotional baggage follows you no matter how far you go. That's a whole nother story that will take many blogs to explain.
The point of this whole rant is that we should not feel bad about making choices for ourselves. Everyone deserves to be selfish when it comes to who they are. Don't deny yourself experiences and choices because you are worried about other people. You may not always be the most popular and yes at times you will be disliked, but anyone who know you and is truly a friend will understand if it makes you happy, it is necessary. You have 2 choices in life you can learn from your mistakes, and if you do then there really are no mistakes, or you can choose to ignore life’s lessons and then you are doomed to repeat those mistakes and never find true happiness with yourself or with the world.
An abrupt ending to a long story which I will continue when I have more emotional stamina.
and P.S. the following is for m.s. so she knows she is not the only one who though her stuff was the bomb when she wrote it. And you know what it was. At that time in your life you found a way to express and emotion in a different way. Maybe you couldn't verbalize it in a conversation but it was something that needed to be said. Kudos, this is something that few people have the opportunity or courage to try.
LIIGHTNING
Untitled
Gliding across the azure sky
the epitome of elegance and grace
soaring above the humble earth
a free spirit, hindered by naught
A gentle touch dissipates images
leaving only an essence, captured
etched into the core of existence
an everlasting vision, felt never seen
With mighty force it breaks through
flowing from a source unknown
cleansing and pure, washing o'er
unaware of its powerful testimony
Behold, thy eternal light
casting away shadows of darkness
fear quickly subsides
enter, proceed unto paradise
Doth it beckon? reply and make haste
do not belittle this invitation
heed thy warning, it waits for none
by morrow it is no more
I'm no Emily Dickinson, but I still like them because they mean something to me and I didn't write them for anyone else to read. I wrote them for me so it doesn't matter if anyone else likes them.
After reading about c.h.'s not so desirable experience with his girlfriend over the weekend I got to thinking. Why is it, that when a person makes a decision that they feel is right for them at any particular time and someone else unfortunately and unintentionally gets hurt as a result, we have been conditioned to feel guilty or feel like we have to make excuses for the decisions we have made. That is totally fucked up. This is why 85% of America is in therapy.
We are so consumed with political correctness and handling others with kid gloves we end up in self-destructive situations where we and those around us are unhappy. Granted, other people’s feelings should most certainly be considered, but only to a certain point. You can't sacrifice yourself to spare someone else's heartache. When I say I speak from experience I mean I am the Jedi Master of dysfunctional relationships. And I don't only mean romantic relationships; I mean all relationships including friendships working relations, family etc. I spent the better part of my life (middle & high school) being walked all over and sacrificing myself to please others. Every decision I made, was made in fear that I would disappoint or hurt someone. I never thought about what I wanted or needed, that concept was foreign, that my feelings counted or that I was even allowed to have feelings never crossed my mind. The old saying is true, you can't please all of the people all of the time. That didn't stop me from trying. You can image what that would do to a person. When you want and need so badly to please someone, and then what you do is not appreciated or noticed or even acknowledged, little by little and without even knowing it turns to anger and sadness. So while you put on a happy face and you laugh at all the jokes, make the jokes most of the time, and you are everyone’s best friend, and you listen to everyone’s problems, and are the best advice giver, and you bear all the burden of the world, no one knows that your dying inside. No one ever even bothers to ask. Why would they you're the happiest person they know.
So what that your mom disappeared one day and didn't come back for weeks and you didn't know where she was. So what that you had to visit her in a hospital because she was sick, but you were to young to understand the difference between mental sickness and physical sickness, and you couldn't make her a card to leave in her room so she knew that you loved her. So what that your parents got divorced any you couldn't understand why. By the way what's an alcoholic and am I going to become one too. So what that your mom was with this new guy and she wanted you to like him and all you wanted to do was hate him and for your parents to get back together. So what that that the car crashed into the telephone pole near the backyard and you watched your neighbor burn to death in the car and no one would let you get the hose from the backyard to put the fire out and the nightmares came again and again and again. What happens when you die? And you aren't pretty enough for the boys to go out with but your cool enough to be one of them and hang out and ask for advise on how to ask out other girls. And you aren't talented enough to get a role in the school play or musical but you can design all the sets and make the programs and do the lighting and sound as well as all the other grunt work but we won't tell anyone you helped. And you can work so hard and plan every detail of an event that they still hold every Halloween at the high school but we will leave your picture out of the yearbook. And that's not a good choice for a major in college. You can't pick something you like you have to pick something where you can make money!
While not all of these things are equally important at that time they felt like the biggest things in the world and I painted on my happy face and went through the motions of every day all the while being consumed by sadness. You start to close yourself off from people and you try to numb yourself to everything. You don't want to feel and you don't want to breathe and you don't want to live. Well folks the answer is not at the bottom of a bottle of pills.
My saving grace was college. I went as far away as I could possibly go and still remain in NY (state schools are much cheaper and I am still paying it off) Enter Buffalo State College I thought that I could start fresh. No one knew me so I could be anyone I wanted. Unfortunately, little did I know, emotional baggage follows you no matter how far you go. That's a whole nother story that will take many blogs to explain.
The point of this whole rant is that we should not feel bad about making choices for ourselves. Everyone deserves to be selfish when it comes to who they are. Don't deny yourself experiences and choices because you are worried about other people. You may not always be the most popular and yes at times you will be disliked, but anyone who know you and is truly a friend will understand if it makes you happy, it is necessary. You have 2 choices in life you can learn from your mistakes, and if you do then there really are no mistakes, or you can choose to ignore life’s lessons and then you are doomed to repeat those mistakes and never find true happiness with yourself or with the world.
An abrupt ending to a long story which I will continue when I have more emotional stamina.
and P.S. the following is for m.s. so she knows she is not the only one who though her stuff was the bomb when she wrote it. And you know what it was. At that time in your life you found a way to express and emotion in a different way. Maybe you couldn't verbalize it in a conversation but it was something that needed to be said. Kudos, this is something that few people have the opportunity or courage to try.
LIIGHTNING
as frightened
as I am of
lightning
it has
an odd
beauty
reaching
down from
the heavens
to touch the
humble earth
illuminating
the darkest
night, gone
as quickly
as it came
then
rain.
Untitled
Gliding across the azure sky
the epitome of elegance and grace
soaring above the humble earth
a free spirit, hindered by naught
A gentle touch dissipates images
leaving only an essence, captured
etched into the core of existence
an everlasting vision, felt never seen
With mighty force it breaks through
flowing from a source unknown
cleansing and pure, washing o'er
unaware of its powerful testimony
Behold, thy eternal light
casting away shadows of darkness
fear quickly subsides
enter, proceed unto paradise
Doth it beckon? reply and make haste
do not belittle this invitation
heed thy warning, it waits for none
by morrow it is no more
I'm no Emily Dickinson, but I still like them because they mean something to me and I didn't write them for anyone else to read. I wrote them for me so it doesn't matter if anyone else likes them.
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