Bah Humbug

I will never understand how men can wait until the absolute last minute before the holidays, Christmas Eve, to do all of their shopping. And how is it that we women toil for weeks and weeks in excruciating agony over what we are going to buy for everyone on our list, and will it be the right thing, and will this person think this is tacky, or did I spend the right amount, and I hope they really like it. Yet men will do all of their shopping in one store of the discount rack with no prior though whatsoever. And we still give them credit when alas on Christmas morning we unwrap something we like or actually wanted. This was not planned. It was a random twist if fate that landed that product in the bargain bin or on the impulse buy rack at the check out counter. Alrighty then. Back to wrapping paper and ribbon and bows. If I'm not out in 2 days send in the search party.

This or That Tuesday's Holidaze

1. Christmas dinner: turkey or ham (or something else)?
Ham,save the turkey for thanksgiving
2. Candy canes or chocolate? Chocolate please
3. Fruit basket or fruitcake? fruit basket
4. Mulled cider or mulled wine? Mulled cider with a shot of absolute
5. Eggnog or hot chocolate? Hot Chocolate
6. Holiday cookies: homemade or store-bought? Leave the store boughts in the store
7. Roasting chestnuts or popping corn? Popping corn
8. On the buffet table: veggie platter or cheese tray? cheese tray
9. Apple or pumpkin pie? Apple Pie rules
10. Christmas Day breakfast: before or after gift-opening? after the gift. begin the orgy of greed.

Mr Clean would be proud

Well it took 2 days but we managed to disinfect the entire house from top to bottom and rearrange the furniture. I finally feel like the apartment is mine. I have most of my belongings and things are finally starting to come together. In the house that is. The plumber comes on Wednesday and the landlord said the kitchen cabinets he ordered came in so the kitchen is next. Once the bathroom gets redone we'll be all set. With all the hoopla with the moving I haven't had much time to prepare for Christmas.

I planned to make everyone's presents this year but with such a late start I am afraid I won't get to finish or put as much time in to each gift as I would like. I still have a week. It is possible. I sear it is almost to much stress to enjoy the holidays.

Oh and a little gossip of the I told you so kind, when j.d. came to pick up the rest of his crap he told c that c.d was pregnant. What a shocker. They have been dating for a little over a year. She is psycho and it is just so convenient that right after they move out she is suddenly pregnant. He is already in a custody battle with his ex-wife, who he was not quite divorced from when he started dating c.d., to get permanent custody of his son brendan. I can't see this relationship lasting and the poor child if it doesn't. He is already a poor parent and role model for brendan I can't image what he will be like toward another child that he doesn't want. I hate to be judgmental but I lived with these people and I saw how they acted. It is a shame that there are so many people in this world that want to have children and can't or who want to adopt and can't that are willing to sacrifice everything to give a child a better life and the idiots who were to stupid to use a condom are now going to have a child. For god sakes they couldn't even take care of a dog.

O.K., The soap box is closed for the rest of the day. Come back tomorrow. I'm sure I'll find something else to preach about.

Murphy's Law

I finally got my computer to the apartment and they came and installed the cable modem in the house. Well surprise, or maybe not such a surprise with my luck, the computer has no network card. This computer was pieced together by my dad with a monitor from here and a keyboard from there. Well, it has been sitting unused for a couple of years and of course it didn't dawn on me that it would not be cable ready. No biggie right. WRONG! I go and get the network card and put it in and try to install the divers from the disk and I get an error that I need the Windows 95 installation disk. Yes folk, still using 95. Of course I don't have the disk because I want to update this piece of crap, so still waiting to access the internet form home. On top of that the USB port is not compatible with Windows 95 so once I upgrade I still have to go and by a USB port to upload pictures from the digital camera. And the saga continues. Maybe by the time I am 40 things will start to pan out for me.

You've got to take the bad with the good

I was trying to get the piles of laundry stacked in the middle of the floor washed over the weekend. This was in between all of c.d.'s family members traipsing through the house moving all of her crap. Apparently either they though it would be funny or her family didn't realize that the washing machine wasn't hers, but they disconnected all the hoses. I realized this when I tried to start the washing machine and nothing happened. I reconnected the hot and cold water hoses but forgot to connect the drain hose to the water pipe that goes outside. I started the machine and went on my merry way. At this point I now have all of my craft shit strewn across the kitchen table with paints and lace and glue etc. lying all over the place. I am painting a canvas bag when my feet start to fell wet and I am like "What the Hell". I turn to the laundry room and see the water pouring out from under the door. I run over and open the door and a mini tidal wave splashed out into the kitchen and spread out onto the living room rug. I only wish a had a video camera taping my reaction and the subsequent chaotic mop up the water with any and every towel you can find dance. I had my pants rolled up to my knees, I was covered in water from head to toe. Boy way I a sight standing over the kitchen sink wringing out towels for 2 hours.

On the bright side the carpet got cleaned. We ended up renting a steam cleaner and sterilized the whole apartment. You can actually breath without gagging now when you come in the house. I am so happy I get to have company come over and not be mortified with how the house looks. There are not dishes in the sink, papers aren't stacked all over the counters, toys aren't littered across the living room. It's a beautiful thing.

This-or-That: December 10, 2002
More fun for the holidaze!

1. Real or artificial tree? You've gotta have a real tree. Nothing beats that real Pine tree scent
2. Real or artificial wreath?Real, everything should be real
3. Open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (or do you do another holiday such as Hannukkah)?Christmas Morning. The anticipation and jumping up out of bed at like 5:00 in the morning is the best.
4. "It's A Wonderful Life" or "Miracle on 34th Street"?Miracle On 34th Street
5. Outdoor decorations, or just indoors?The Griswald house people. Know it, Love it.
6. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" or "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"?Rudolph all the way.
7. Miniature lights or the larger ones?It really depends on the situation but I tend to stick to the smaller lights
8. Store-bought or hand-made ornaments?Hand made ornaments with an occational store bought one for filler
9. TV Specials: The Grinch or Charlie Brown?Gotta go with Charlie Brown
10. Will you be staying at home for the holiday, or going visiting?Unfortunately I must go visiting and battle the traffic. This is the only drawback to the holidays. But it's worth it to spend time with the family

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

And number three is... The room mates from hell have moved out. I finally have the place to myself, except for c. of course. And in the grand tradition of being a dick, j.d gave us a weeks notice that they were leaving and decided they were only paying for half this months rent being they were only there for 2 weeks of the rental month. We have to come up with a heck of a lot of money on short notice but, whatever it takes to get them out. Good ridence! Now I get to actually move in my stuff, including my computer, hooray and decorate a little. First we have to steam clean all the carpets and scrub the house from top to bottom. The good thing is, it's just in time for the holidays so I can bust out all my craft stuff and the sewing machine to make all my Christmas presents. Free at last. Thank God almighty I'm free at last!

The Arrival

Well It finally happened, Quinn has arrived. He showed up on Thanksgiving day just as we were about to carve the holiday bird. This is surely a Thanksgiving we will never forget. We had to pack up the feast in tupperware and then set up our own little buffet in the waiting room of the hospital. It was interesting and memorable. Not only that but we also had our first snow of the season. It was out of this world waking up to this beautiful scene. Usually things happen in three's. I got a nephew, snow (which I love and can't get enough of) and there should be one more thing soon. Until then....

This Weeks This or That

1. Go out and buy gifts, or shop online/mail order? Shop online
2. Gift cards/certificates or pick out gifts? Pick out gifts. It's more personal
3. Pay cash or charge holiday gifts? Charge it Baby!
4. Are most of your gifts mailed or given in person? I prefer to give in person when I can.
5. Are you an early-bird or last-minute holiday shopper? I try to be an early bird but usually end up a last minute shopper
6. If you shop in stores...big chain stores or smaller specialty stores? Small specialty store, you find more unique gifts that way
7. Wrap gifts yourself or have them wrapped at the store or mall? Part of the fun is wrapping the gifts
8. Shopping on *Black Friday* (day after Thanksgiving)...did you or didn't you? Hell No!
9. Is your holiday gift list large or small? Way to long
10. Is it better to give or to receive? Much better to give. I love watching peoples faces when they get something they really want or didn't expect

I'm almost an Aunt

My sister went to the doctor yesterday . The baby is on his way. It could take a while though. They said she shouldn't expect him over the weekend but by Monday he should be ready to meet the world. I can't wait. I am on vacation next week so I get to spend it with my sister and hopefully my new nephew. The child hasn't even been born yet and I have already spoiled him beyond belief. I think I have bought every piece of children's clothing that they sell at Target That's in addition to the toys and books and stuff. I can't wait to take him to Yankee Gamesand fishing and all kinds of other fun stuff. That's the best thing about being an aunt. I get to spoil the kid and let him do whatever he wants and then send him home to mom. This is going to be great!

The Sky is Falling

Ok so of the 400 things in my apartment that need to be fixed the landlord has been insisting for months that he is going to have the roof redone. Fine, great we need it. But of course we didn't believe him because his last project, the aluminum siding, took him a year and a half. We low and behold today, the one day that I have a late shift at work and can sleep in, the roofers show up at 7:00am. There are about 12 of them all on the roof scraping and hammering and drilling and who the hell know what else. Since sleep was out of the question I got up and did the laundry and had breakfast. I figure then that it's a good time to take a shower. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to shower with strange men outside your bathroom window. Granted, we have blinds in the window so you can't really see in and I'm sure they have better things to do but it is still uncomfortable. So I went with the speed shower and I don't think I got all of the conditioner out of my hair and put my jeans on while I was still dripping wet. You see, of course, the ladders were all around the house and I could see the guys walking up and down the ladders all morning which means they could also see in so getting dressed in the privacy of my own room was out of the question.

Finally dressed and ready to relax I sat down to watch some t.v. as a had a few hours left to kill before work. All of a sudden I felt something hit me in the head. I looked around and didn't see anything and figured it must have been the cat or something. A few minutes later I feel something pelt me in the leg. This time I look down and see a huge nail on the floor. Then another. I look up and realize that the nails are coming out of the ceiling. The guys outside are banging so hard they are knocking all the nails out of the sheet rock or what ever it is up there. Now I am frantic because we things hanging on the walls and all kinds of crap on the dresser and stuff. While I am trying to move the majority of the breakables I hear this crackling sound. I look up and see that part of the ceiling is about to fall. With my cat like reflexes I run over and put my hands up just in time to catch the panel. Of course it didn't break all the way it is still partially attached to the ceiling and It's to big for me to try to pull of so it is lying across the bed and resting against the floor. There are chunks of ceiling all over the bed, floor and rest of the room. What a fiasco. I finally had to leave for work praying the whole way there that the rest of the ceiling remains intact until c. or I gets home.

I think now is a good time to also mention that:

• every time someone takes a shower the kitchen ceiling leaks


• the kitchen cabinets are falling off the walls in addition to the ceiling tiles falling in


• the oven door doesn't close all the way so the wood on either side is charred from the heat and there is no temperature dial (it melted from the heat because the door doesn't close) so you don't really know what temperature you're cooking at


• the freezer ices over and just keeps building and the freezer space gets smaller and smaller every once in a while when we defrost the freezer we find something in the abyss of ice


• Ice forms around the cooling rods in the refrigerator and then defrosts pretty much daily leaving a puddle of about 3 inches of water at the bottom of the fridge under the drawers. As you can imagine, if a day or 2 goes by and I don't get a change to empty it out, well, stagnant water in the fridge, enough said.


• We still have a cesspool (because the landlord is to cheap to get a sewer installed)which fills up and makes a nice bubbling pool of crap in the middle of the yard.

Sometimes I fell like I am living in the house from The Money Pit I can't wait to get home and see what condition the house is in, if it is still standing, that is.

This or That Tuesday
Potpourri, Part Two!

1. Long or short hair? Long, I like to have something to run my fingers through.
2. Microwave or conventional oven? Nothing beats good 'ol home cooking in the conventional oven.
3. Plain or Peanut M&M's? Peanut M & M's Rule!!!
4. "101 Dalmations"...animated or live-action version? Animated, although I thought Glenn Close was fab as Cruela
5. Drink out of bottle/can or pour into a glass? Screw the glass, us real white trash gals drink from the bottle.
6. Sunlight or moonlight? Moonlight, I am definitley a night owl.
7. Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy? I've always been partial to Kermit.
8. Glasses or contact lenses (or neither)? Thank heaven for contacts.
9. Action movies or chick flicks? I hate to admit it but.... Chick Flicks
10. Toilet seat...up or down ? Put the damn toilet seat down. Thank you for your support.

Back in BusinessHooray!! My template is back.

They opened an Applebee's in the shopping plaza near my apartment so c. and I thought we would try it out last night. the food was pretty good but the highlight of my overly dull life was the guy who was walking around making balloon animals and shapes for all the patron's. At first I though he must be there with a kids party because there were a ton of families there but turns out he was trying to promote himself for parties and stuff and he is there every Monday night. So there I am in the restaurant, any as a 5 year old, just hoping that he will come to my table to make me a balloon animal. I don't know what it is but there are 2 things that no matter how old I get or what I am doing will always make me smile and feel like a kid again, BALLOONS & BUBBLES Well, after about 3 raspberry margaritas, he finally came over and asked me if I wanted a balloon. I smiled sheepishly and said "Was it that obvious?". He asked what I wanted and I said anything so he started blowing up 6 balloons. I was a little perplexed at why he needed so many but with a few twists and a Tada he made a monkey climbing a palm tree with a banana hanging down. It was the coolest think. I took a picture of it with my digital camera and will hopefully be able to post the picture soon.

?????

Well, I went to update my template and add a few things and the template is blank. There is no code. I am at a loss. I hope it magically appears as quickly as it disappeared

I Believe

This was too heart warming to pass up. I know I'm a cheesball. What can I say? Thank you to ZT for sending this.

She is 92 years old, petite, well poised, and proud. She is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed, and her makeup perfectly applied, in spite of the fact she is legally blind. Today she has moved to a nursing home. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making this move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, where I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room...just wait," I said.

Then she spoke these words that I will never forget:

"That does not have anything to do with it," she gently replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not, does not depend on how the furniture is arranged. It is how I arrange my mind. I have already decided to love it. It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I will focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I have stored away...just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you have already put in.

I Believe

• that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.


• that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.


• that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


• that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.


• that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.


• that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.


• that you can keep going, long after you can't.


• that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.


• that either you control your attitude or it controls you.


• that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


• that money is a lousy way of keeping score.


• that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.


• that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.


• that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.


• that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.


• that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.


• that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.


• that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other... And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.


• that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.


• that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.


• that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.


• that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.


• that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.


• that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Tuesday's This or That

This was "borrowed" from Cybertoad's Blog on Life

1. Hershey's Kisses: with or without almonds? Definitly without
2. Wizard of Oz: Scarecrow or Tin Man? Scarecrow...I'm still searching for a brain
3. Meat eater or vegetarian? Meat eater
4. Buy books or borrow them? Buy them, and they must be hardcover
5. At the bank: ATM or human teller? ATM, theres no need for human contact when it comes to my money. I love the electronic age
6. Oil or gas (or other) heat? Other, friction heat (he! he!)
7. Pen or pencil? Pen, I like things permanent
8. Drive or use public transit? Drive, once you make the transition, you will never go back to public transportation
9. Who IS James Bond: Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan (or any of the others in between)? Sean Connery, hands down, no contest
10. Your ideal breakfast: full (bacon/sausage, eggs, pancakes, etc) or continental (bagels, muffins, fruit, cereal)? Full, but not in the a.m. I like my breakfast for dinner

Be Nice to the Telephone Operator

Why do people insist on yelling at me for things I have absolutely no control over. I didn't create th product, I didn't make it defective, I just have the pleasure of being on the other end of the telephone. Not that people don't have a right to be upset but for goodness sake let me get a word in edgewise. I may have some insight into your problem and maybe just maybe by the power of all that is good and right I may have an answer. Only you'll never know because you won't SHUT UP!!! O.K. I'm better now.

Fun for Women of all Ages

I am listening to the radio the other morning, Z-100, and they were talking about the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 BroomWhile this looks like your ordinary boring toy, it has a feature that has parents. mothers of your girls especially, up in arms. The broom vibrates. Need I say more. Apparently there is a petition going around that parents are planning to send to Mattel to get the product recalled or at least to prevent them from making more. What is the world coming to. Where in the world are these girls getting the idea to use the broom for purposes other than intended. And if girls between the ages of 6-12 are figuring out other recreational uses for the thing, don't you think at least one of the mature minded employees at Mattel, even if only joking, though about it.

Lets face it. Society today is considerably more perverse than it was even 10-15 years ago. Look at what they have done to the Disney movies. People claim to have heard subliminal messages in Aladdin & the Lion King, as well as seen phallic symbols in the Little Mermaid. Check out this site that has a pretty comprehensive list of current Urban Legends The topic of sex or sexuality is such a taboo, it has become that much more intriguing to today's youth. While I believe that there is a time and place for everything, and that includes educating children about the finer points in life, we can't hide from these discussions. We don't give children the credit they are due. We seem to think that children are incapable of understanding certain situations and that somehow, as they age, they miraculously develop into educated and well adjusted young adults. Think about it for a second. Where are they supposed to learn coping skills. What is the right age to start discussing things like sex, death, pregnancy. Back to the topic of the Disney Stories, these fairy tales were ripped off from The Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson They weren't these candy coated, always happy ending stories you see today. The stories were originally created to educate children, to teach them life lessons through storytelling. Read a few of those good old fairy tales and you'll see what I mean. I think that to some degree our attempts to protect are children from the world, sometimes also prevent them from having essential experiences that help to mold them into, self confident adults.

Let me give you a perfect example. When I was growing up, my mother wanted to shelter us from every bad experience and impropriety in the world. This included TV and in the movies. Cable TV was the devil and forbidden in our home. We didn't get to go to the movies very often, and when we rented them. my mother would fast forward any kissing scenes. Years later I would see movies on TV and realize I had missed half the story because my mom didn't want us to see to people kissing. One of the worst experiences was when the movie Dirty Dancing came out. My mother refused to let me see the movie strictly because of the title. Now while she was very affectionate with her children, it was inappropriate to be affectionate with a man outside the bedroom. What made things more confusing was we were also not allowed to know what went on in the bedroom. We were never taught about physical relationships and intimacy. Now I was raised in a traditional conservative family. You waited until you were married to have sex, and it wasn't sex it was making love, yada yada. Of course there is nothing wrong with this theory, however it is not always practical.

Well fastforward to adulthood and my dysfunctional relationships because you can't hit the fastforward button to avoid kissing scenes in real life and I was so uncomfortable in intimate situations and with myself. Thank goodness for college, which is not always for a textbook education. I had my share of embarrassing hook ups and sweet intimacies and found that comfort zone. My point is however, because I was not taught about these things my only reference was movie relationships or the twisted and dysfunctional relationships of friends. Well how disappointing to find out that true love doesn't always ride up on a white horse with a dozen roses and embody perfection.

I have learned that real life is hard work but well worth it. Although sometimes I wish that I had had a more open relationship with my parents and been able to ask questions about love and relationships and sex. One thing I can say to my parents credit, I may not have waited until I was married, but I was much older and wiser and grateful that I waited for my first time. I was in a committed relationship, deeply in love and it was a beautiful experience. But I digress as usual.

Children would be able to play with a silly toy without causing controversy if we were more comfortable discussing with our children things that are and are not appropriate. Boy it took an awful long time to get to the point. The soapbox is retired for today. Y'all come back now as I am sure I will find plenty o' topics to preach about tomorrow.

The Make-Up and a Migraine

Well c. and I had a long talk and I think he understands where I am coming from. He admitted he should never have said he would be home because he knew he wouldn't. He just wanted to lessen his own guilt. It feels really nice to know that I can talk to him about how I am feeling or when I am frustrated and we don't have to argue about it. We lay everything out on the table talk about it and then let it go. Now don't get me wrong, I am sure we will have this conversation again because, he is not perfect and he will do it again, but he is coming around. Little by little he is realizing that being in a relationship does not mean that you have to give up your friends or your freedom. You do however need to remember that the decisions you make also now effect another person.

I have had the worst migraine for the past 3 days. It has gotten so bad that my vision is blurry and I am so nauseous. I don't think many people can sympathized when I say I have a headache. They don't realize that I live with this every day of my life and when I say my head hurts it doesn't mean I have an annoying headache, like the kind you get when you drank a little to much the night before or when you haven't eaten all day, that's normal for me, I mean that I am in a considerable amount of pain. It is physically and emotionally draining. I have tried medication but to no avail. It is difficult on top of all of my sinus, allergy, asthma crap that I have to take daily. I would just be nice to feel really good for a day or two in a row. I can always hope...

Random acts of Insensitivity

Do they pull young men aside in school and give them a class on how to be an insensitive jerk? I think they do. Women get the class on menstruation and men get the class on how to be a dick and accept zero responsibility for your actions. The weekend actually started of pretty nice. I was home cooking dinner (eggplant parmesan and pasta) and c. came home early form work. He decided to get the laundry done while I was finishing dinner so we wouldn't have to worry about it the rest if the weekend. How sweet right. So he went to the Laundromat and ran a bunch of errands while the clothes were drying so we could spend the rest of the evening together. So we ate and then he fell asleep. How romantic. In his defense he did have to work Saturday morning.

Saturday morning he got up and was off to work by 7:00am. I figured I might as well get up and start my day so all of my chores would be done by the evening. I ended up stopping over at my mothers house because she wasn't feeling well and brought her some of the leftover chicken parm and we sat and hung out for the afternoon. By 5:30 I headed home figuring I would call c. to find out how his day at work was going and what his plan was for the evening. Turns out his brother called and they went out to dinner and were heading back to m's house to hang out. c. insisted he was tired and would be home fairly soon.

Aside
At this point I hung up the phone and thought. O.K. I am on my own for the evening. c & m are going to be hanging out all night and he will stumble in, in the wee hours of the morning. I figured this was a good time for me to finish White Oleander This is an amazing book by Janet Fitch which they have recently turned into a movie. Anyway, I curl up with my book and wait for the phone call from c. telling me that he won't be home till late.

Well around 8:30 the phone rings and guess who it is. You guessed it. So he tells me that they stopped on the way to m's house a got a 12 pack of beer and he though he would be responsible and not drive home. He was spending the night. He felt just awful leaving me alone on a Saturday night, but not to worry because we had all day Sunday to spend together. Of course he is well aware that I spend every Sunday at my elderly Grandmothers house. Not only is he aware of this but he also knows how important and special this time is for me. My Grams is getting older and her memory is not what it used to be. She is forgetting a lot of things so I want to spend as much time as I can with her while she is still coherent. So c. promises that he will be home early and we will go to Grams's house together and then spend the evening together.

My retort was more of a request to c. that he not make any promises because if and when he broke his promise I would be pissed. While I know in his heart and mind he really did want to come home and spend the day with me and the intention was there, I knew full well he would stay up half the night with m and be to tired and hung over to come home. So I tell him this and he insists that he is tired and won't be staying up to much longer. There is no problem being home by 9:00am. He'll be there don't worry.

So, I hang up the phone and the knot in my stomach begins to tighten. Please, Please, Please do not let me down. Well as expected 10:00 came and went and no c. and no phone call that he was on his way. So I went to Grams and of course she asks where he is. Why I feel the need to cover up for him I don't know. Actually I don't have the heart to tell my Grams sorry, c. is to tired & hung over and you are just not important enough for him to drag his sorry ass out of bed for. The worst part is he ruined my day and I don't understand why I allow him to do that. I already knew he wouldn't be there but it hurt anyway.

Well 1:00 rolls around and my cell phone rings. He is finally home and poor thing is just to tired and he feels like crap. Does he really think I am going to fell bad that he feels like crap. He didn't even apologize. He makes me so mad. I know that this isn't the biggest thing in the world but it pisses me off that he expects me to drop everything when he wants me to go somewhere with him but when the tables are turned he can blow me off so easily and not even fell bad about it. When I finally got home Sunday he was sleeping so I couldn't even talk to him about it. I don't want to fight, I just want him to understand how disappointed and hurt I am. Of course I couldn't start a conversation this morning before work so it is still unresolved. Now It will be a fight because c. knows I am upset and it is going to fester all day.

We spend so little time together as it is, I don't want to spend it fighting. I don't ever complain about the long hours he works, or the times he wants to spend with his friends and I don't ask for much. Just show me the same common courtesy I show you. Don't make promises you can't keep and accept ressponsibility for your acctions. Apologize when you know you you were wrong. I don't think that is to much to ask. I don't know, maybe I am wrong.